The Sober Stripper - Pt. 1

Barbie's Story + Some Tips & Tricks!

It's no secret that I used to be a drug user and an alcoholic. I don't hide my past or gloss over my story, especially when it comes to my experiences with substance abuse. It's a part of who I am today, and it's nothing that I'm ashamed to admit. We all have a past, we all have decisions we might not be the happiest about or most proud of, but that doesn't mean that there isn't time to change and become a new version of ourselves.

Before I even began dancing, I knew that I wanted to achieve and maintain sobriety when I entered into the club. As many of you know, strip clubs are a hotbed for illicit substances, excessive drinking, and doing whatever it takes to keep the party going. At 25, I'd already done the vast majority of my partying, and I was ready to settle down and get serious about my future, my finances and my life's path. I knew that dancing could unlock a variety of opportunities for me, and the absolute last thing I wanted to do was squander those gifts by continuing to do drugs. Before dancing, I was a total pill popper, so I made a very concerted and conscious effort to quit abusing pills before I even auditioned at a club. That was probably one of the best decisions I could have ever made. Entering into the industry without a prescription pill habit made it much easier to not only function but save money and maintain financial stability. 

Now, I refuse to lie to anybody on here, so I won't tell you I was a perfect picture of sobriety throughout my entire career as a dancer. I had my bouts with drinking and smoking, which both ended badly for me. Now, smoking likely wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't suffer from CHS (cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome, a condition caused by chronic marijuana use that leads to severe nausea and vomiting), but I do. I ended up in the hospital a multitude of times for CHS flare ups due to chronic marijuana use. This not only caused issues for my health, but it caused me to miss several days of work more than once. Not to mention, marijuana zapped my motivation and also made me extremely awkward and unable to hold a good conversation.

My sobriety date from marijuana is 03/20/2023. While it was tough to give up, I am ultimately much happier and healthier now that I don't use marijuana. My anxiety is much more manageable, and my motivation has returned and continues to grow. I am in no way saying that marijuana is awful and nobody should use it, because I one hundred percent recognize its medicinal properties and the value it brings because of those properties. If anything, I'm simply spreading awareness about CHS, and encouraging moderation when using it, especially at work.

Drinking was definitely the thing that caused the most issues for me at work and in my personal life. I didn't begin drinking heavily again until 2023 after my breakup with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. The pain of losing him was unbearable and I was also horrifically miserable due to my civilian job. I didn't know what else to do, so like many of us, I decided to turn to the bottle. At first it was great, no anxiety, no emotions, no pain... but that all fell away pretty quickly. Before I knew it, I couldn't go to sleep without downing half a bottle. I couldn't get up and do my makeup without a few shots. There was no way in hell I was talking to a customer unless I had a couple of drinks in me.

It was out of control so quickly, and it started to show. I was more focused on getting drunk at work than I was on hitting my goals for the day/week. I was a ball of anxiety unless I had a drink in my hand, and I couldn't handle the smallest tasks. I was quickly destroying my new relationship and things came to a head when I drove home drunk one night and my then boyfriend called me out and told me this was my final chance before I'd be kicked out of his house.

The date was March 7th, 2024. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since that night.

Let me tell you, stopping drinking was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but it has been more than worth it. I am able to show up sharp, authentic and energized to the club, which in turn helps me make my bag, even on some of the slower shifts. Not saying sobriety fixed every single bad day in the industry and turned it into a thousand-dollar night, but it certainly helped with my approach, execution and overall confidence. 

So, how did I do it? How did I go from raging alcoholic to sober stripper basically overnight, completely cold turkey? Thankfully, I was not yet at the point of needing medically assisted detox, which could have easily been the case had this gone on any longer. When I quit this time, I chose not to attend AA meetings again because it caused me to constantly think about drinking and made it harder to put the thoughts out of my mind. I didn't like going every day and focusing on any part of my time as an alcoholic. I didn't choose to ignore my past, but I confronted it on my own terms in my own ways. I downloaded "I Am Sober" and put in my sobriety date and time - adding the widget to my phone's home page so I could see it every day. 

The next shift I worked, I approached my bartender and informed her of my sobriety. I asked her to please refuse to ever serve me a drink no matter what I said or did, no matter how hard I begged or pitched a fit - turn me away. I ask this of every single bartender I worked with as I was entering into early sobriety. Honestly, I made a huge deal about becoming sober. I told my dancer friends, my staff, and my mangers, too. Everyone needed to know I was serious about walking this path, and they all really stepped up to the plate and watched over me when things got tough in my personal life and I battled cravings at work and at home. 

You may be wondering how I managed to maintain my sobriety, especially being a stripper, and what other steps I had to take to do so. Although it was extremely intimidating and daunting at first, it was honestly pretty simple for me, which is something I am immensely grateful for. First of all, I made a real, raw list of all the things I would lose and all the things I would be giving up or missing out on if I chose to go back to drinking. I made another list of all the things I would gain and get to experience by staying sober. I kept both of them in a box next to my bed, so when I was alone and struggling, I could take them out and reread them until I felt better. I also had photos of both lists saved on my phone so I could look at them at work or anywhere else. 

When I'd work and a customer would ask if I wanted a drink or what I wanted to drink, I'd tell them (& still do tell them) "I'm actually sober but thank you!" I know a lot of you are probably rolling your eyes so hard that you're losing them in the back of your head at the fact that I don't just constantly lie to play into a fantasy but let me explain. First off, I was honest because saying the words "I'm sober" over and over again multiple times on every shift really helped me solidify the legitimacy of my sobriety. It wasn't just something I lived while I was in "real life", it was something I had to live authentically 24/7 and I didn't care to lie about it just to seem "more desirable" to customers. Because you know what? It has literally not made any difference in my earnings to be honest and tell men I'm sober vs. fake drinking or actually drinking with them. Frankly, if it helps me stay sober, I don't really care who doesn't like that answer either. There have been a handful of times when a customer has said something super rude or out of pocket about my sobriety and it's just my cue to get up and find someone who is more deserving of my time and respectful of my choices and boundaries. I refuse to sit with someone who tries to force me to drink or who makes fun of me for being sober. 

However, I know that the brutally honest approach might not be the ideal choice or favorite for everyone, and that's okay! Choosing to "fake drink" with customers while still maintaining sobriety is just as valid and effective as the brutally honest approach. What I would highly recommend if you're going this route is still to tell all of your bartenders that you're sober and that you need to create a code word for when you're ordering a drink with a customer. There were a few times that I tried this approach with customers when I was in very early sobriety to see if it felt natural and doable to me. When I'd order a "drink", I'd literally just ask for a "Barbie shot". Easy enough, just sounded like my specific shot, but was really just cranberry juice and not a vodka/cranberry shot. Customers never questioned it, I didn't have to launch into an explanation, and the night went on without issue. 

At the end of the day, it's really just about which approach works best for you. Maybe it's one of the aforementioned ones, maybe it's something completely different! Another thing I've seen girls do (& done myself) is refuse a wristband at clubs where manager-given wristbands were required to order a drink. If you didn't have one and wanted to drink later in the shift, you had to approach a manager to get one. This is another reason I'm telling you to lean on your community for support. Tell your coworkers and staff members that you trust, so that they can help hold you accountable and possibly prevent you from making a decision you'll really regret. If you look young enough and can get away with it, there's always the option to pretend you're under 21 (assuming you're in the US where stripping age is 18 and drinking age is 21), and just telling customers the bartenders straight up will not serve you due to your age. Like I said, find what's most comfortable and doable for your specific situation and vibe and go from there. Try multiple approaches, tweak and tailor them to specific situations and customers and see what works best. There are still moments when I know I'm sitting with a whale who really wants me to drink with them, and in that case, I just order my "Barbie shot" a few times and secure the fuckin' bag. 

Thank you so much if you've taken the time to read this whole post. I know it's a long one, but I also know this is an extremely important and often highly ignored topic when it comes to being a stripper. I hope my story not only sheds light and gives new insights but also helps those of you choosing to get & stay sober as sex workers feel less alone and more supported, seen, and understood. Being sober in the strip club isn't easy, but it's so worth it in the end. Please know, wherever you are in your sobriety journey, you can do it. Even if you stumble and fall sometimes, you're still doing it and that's something to be proud of. I've had my fair share of relapses over the years, and I'm still here with 2 years off of weed and a year off of alcohol under my belt, living proof that it can be done. You've got this, don't give up.

Keep an eye out for "The Sober Stripper - Pt. 2" where I'll be discussing some of the major ways sobriety changed my relationship with dancing, how I stayed grounded outside of work - especially after particularly challenging shifts, things I wish I'd known sooner about sobriety in general and on the club floor, and where I am today and where I want to go because I decided to get and stay sober!

Much love everybody! 

Xo - Barbie Riot